Dating red flags are early warning signs that can predict relationship trouble and wasted time. Spotting patterns like disrespect or inconsistency helps people protect their emotional energy. Vote on which ones rank highest for you.
What counts: Best means the most revealing and damaging red flag by severity and commonality; figures are approximate ratings on 0-10 scales.
Controlling who you see▲ Rising
This red flag escalates from small comments about friends to isolating demands that cut off support networks. One signature moment is forbidding a harmless coffee with an old classmate, framed as care. It earns the top spot because it directly attacks independence and rarely improves.
Severity: 9/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: —Fixable: —
added by IJR
Excessive jealousy▲ Rising
Jealousy begins with suspicious questions about routine interactions and intensifies into accusations without cause. The telling moment is monitoring simple replies to coworkers. It earns its place because trust erosion is hard to reverse.
Severity: 8/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Never apologizes▲ Rising
The pattern starts with deflected blame on minor issues and grows into total refusal to own mistakes. A signature clash occurs when clear evidence of wrongdoing is met with counter-accusations. It ranks high because accountability is essential for repair.
Severity: 8/10Commonality: 8/10First Date: ✓Fixable: —
added by IJR
Canceling plans last minute▲ Rising
Reliability collapses after the first few dates when excuses pile up without rescheduling effort. The key instance is a sudden cancellation on a planned evening with no follow-through. It ranks because consistent effort is the foundation of trust.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 8/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Being rude to waitstaff▲ Rising
Rudeness surfaces on the first shared meal when orders are barked or tips are withheld for tiny delays. The moment crystallizes when the person treats service workers as inferior. It ranks high as a reliable character litmus test.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Lying about small things▲ Rising
Small fabrications about arrival times or preferences appear early and expand into larger deceptions. One clear moment is catching an unnecessary lie about something trivial. It earns placement because honesty is non-negotiable.
Severity: 8/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: ✓Fixable: —
added by IJR
Talking only about exes▲ Rising
Conversations loop back to past partners within the first hour and dominate later dates. The defining moment arrives when current plans are compared unfavorably to an ex. It signals unresolved baggage that crowds out new connection.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Disrespecting boundaries▲ Rising
Boundaries are tested immediately with persistent questions after a clear no. The pivotal scene is pushing for more contact after being asked for space. It ranks because boundary respect is foundational to consent and safety.
Severity: 9/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: —
added by IJR
Constantly on phone▲ Rising
The habit interrupts conversations from the first outing and escalates to scrolling during important talks. A signature scene is checking messages while the other person shares something vulnerable. It earns its spot by showing divided attention as default.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 9/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Poor listening skills
The listener repeatedly misses details shared minutes earlier and changes topics abruptly. A signature exchange is forgetting a mentioned family event the next week. It signals low investment in the other person's inner world.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Refusing to compromise
Every decision becomes a standoff where only one preference wins. The defining scene is insisting on their restaurant choice despite prior agreement. It blocks the give-and-take of partnership.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 5/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Badmouthing all exes▼ Falling
Every past partner is portrayed as the villain within the first few dates. The revealing moment is a long rant that paints a pattern of universal victimhood. It indicates inability to take responsibility.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 5/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Inconsistent behavior
Warm one day and distant the next creates confusion from early weeks. A signature pattern is enthusiastic plans followed by sudden withdrawal. It erodes security and trust.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: —Fixable: —
added by IJR
Avoiding serious conversations
Any attempt to discuss feelings or future is deflected with humor or topic change. The key instance is repeated jokes when values are raised. It prevents the depth needed for lasting bonds.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Dismissing your feelings
Emotions are labeled overreactions from the first disagreement. The key scene is responding to hurt with 'you're too sensitive.' It invalidates the other person's experience.
Severity: 8/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: —
added by IJR
No long-term friends
The person mentions no sustained friendships beyond recent acquaintances. A telling comment is dismissing old friends as having drifted without explanation. It suggests difficulty maintaining relationships over time.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 4/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Social media obsession▲ Rising
Relationship milestones are posted before they are discussed privately. The moment is sharing a private argument publicly for validation. It prioritizes image over actual connection.
Severity: 5/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Interrupting constantly▲ Rising
Conversations become one-sided as the person cuts in before thoughts finish. The signature moment is finishing sentences for the other on a first date. It shows lack of patience and respect for input.
Severity: 5/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Always late without reason▼ Falling
Chronic lateness starts on the second date and continues without apology or adjustment. The moment that stands out is arriving 45 minutes late to a reservation with no update. It shows disregard for the other person's time.
Severity: 5/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Overly critical of others▼ Falling
Judgmental comments about strangers and acquaintances begin immediately. The moment is harsh commentary on a server's appearance or another couple. It foreshadows criticism directed inward.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 5/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Unreliable promises
Commitments are made enthusiastically then forgotten without follow-up. The moment is a promised call that never comes after multiple reminders. It undermines any sense of dependability.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Ignoring personal space▼ Falling
Physical or emotional closeness is forced before comfort is established. The scene is repeated uninvited touch after a request to slow down. It violates comfort levels systematically.
Severity: 8/10Commonality: 4/10First Date: ✓Fixable: —
added by IJR
Making everything about self
Every story circles back to the speaker regardless of topic. The signature exchange is turning a shared success into a personal anecdote. It leaves little room for mutual sharing.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: ✓Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Avoiding commitment talks▼ Falling
Any mention of labels or future plans is met with deflection after several months. The moment is changing the subject when exclusivity arises. It leaves the relationship in limbo indefinitely.
Severity: 6/10Commonality: 7/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Not respecting time▼ Falling
Plans are routinely altered or delayed without notice or regard. The scene is showing up an hour late to a time-sensitive event. It treats the other person's schedule as flexible.
Severity: 5/10Commonality: 6/10First Date: —Fixable: ✓
added by IJR
Frequent mood swings▼ Falling
Emotional tone shifts unpredictably within a single evening. The moment is laughter turning to anger over a minor comment. It creates walking-on-eggshells dynamics.
Severity: 7/10Commonality: 5/10First Date: —Fixable: —
added by IJR
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Wild that Controlling who you see is winning this. Scroll down — the real answer is further down the board.
Came for the argument, stayed for the comparison grid. The numbers settle half the fights here.
Controlling who you see at the top is the correct call and I'll die on this hill.
Voted, but this order is going to look very different in a month once more people find it.